My Crazy Life...

Really..

90% of my life is spent on a couch. I feel like utter crap most of the time. My illness doesn’t know when holidays are so it doesn’t take a break. I can usually fake it for a little bit but I need to lie down & sleep after. This is my life. My mom should know this right? She gives the bullshit “I understand” all the time. Well, all of a sudden this Christmas she was like “your not going to come over & just sleep are you?” umm..well probably..that’s my life. Today has been one of my worse days, the kind where I want to drill my brain out. I slept hoping it would get better so I could go over there & not sleep. It has not worked. She called me at noon and was like you sound awful. Yah I don’t feel well. Well am I coming to get you or are you cancelling christmas? (Don’t you love how the blame is put on me? She has this new dumb rule & I’m the bad guy..whatever.) yes..I feel horrid. Her in her hynnia voice so your cancelling? That’s what your saying? Me: yes, I just feel awful and… Her: hynnia voice fine hangs up. Do I really need this shit? I feel bad enough as it is bailing on christmas. So I call back. Come get me. Her: no. I don’t want to if your just going to open presents & go to sleep. I’m not mad but your wasting my time. You should have just told me earlier you weren’t coming but I know you felt you needed to bc it’s Christmas but I’m tierd of you wasting my time. Feel better. Hangs up. Someone explain to me how I am wasting her fucking time. Tell me!!! I don’t understand. What the fuck is wrong with her? Or is it me? Am I in the wrong? This women is driving me crazy. She acts like she is a freaking saint & I just don’t see it. Maybe I am just a horrible, ungrateful child. All I know is that was in a half decent mood now I’m not bc her & this happens a lot.